So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
