I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
there is glitter all over my balls
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
