I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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