sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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