i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
