My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
