he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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