Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
