I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
