You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
