Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
