I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
