Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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