I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
