hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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