I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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