so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
