My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
