Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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