Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
