have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
