saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
