He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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