i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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