is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
