Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
