if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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