I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
