your thong is hanging out like whoa
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
