I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
