You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
