This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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