She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
