Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
