I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
