I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
