I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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