he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
