Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
