That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
