I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
