3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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