everyone is single if you try hard enough
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
