my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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