I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
