Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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