i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
