He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
