the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
