it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
