Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
